So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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