So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
50% drunk capacity currently
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
