bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
