My nipple is on Facebook.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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