Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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