two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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