Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
