At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
