the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
