If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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