They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
