I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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