I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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