"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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