Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
