Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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