oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
