The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
