dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
