those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
