Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
