I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
