She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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