if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
