East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
