I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
