dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize