I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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