Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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