my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
