i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
