This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
