He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize