its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
