Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
