I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
