filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We need to get me chipped asap
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
