Just cropdusted the office
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How external is "for external use only"?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
