I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize