So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
