dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
