Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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