I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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