My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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