Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
