it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
