ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
