If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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