I need to stop coming to work sober
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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