I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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