Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
