her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is wine microwaveable?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
