I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
