Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
