We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
