Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's official drugs can't kill me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
