They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
