He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
