Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
