I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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