Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
