allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize