I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
