you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
