i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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