throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
