she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize