her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
