i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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