That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
