Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
